week 12

When two people join together in marriage it is a circle of emotion for those two individuals. They may be scared, happy, sad, excited, nervous, and anxious. They feel all these emotions because of the changes that lay before them one living with someone else, leaving family behind, and even having their own bills and what not. Not only do they go through these emotions but they also have to make some grownup decisions. A lot of these decisions can be based upon the rules that they had when they were being raised. However, when two people come together you have two separate ideas on how things should be done. This can cause some tense moments.

These are the moments that a couple can come together and make a marriage identity. This is when they can turn towards each other and not their parents. When they turn towards their parents instead of each other it can cause negative feeling, especially if they call to complain about their spouse. Parents of children should step out of the children married life. They can be involved with many things, but as for the personal marital things parents should let the children create their own life. This can include rules of various things such as, financial rules, when to call home if they will be late, when to let their children leave and stay somewhere, how much to spoil children, how much time should be spent on entertainment. These are a few of the places that disagreements can come from. This is the time for a couple to discuss how they want to entertain these thoughts. Compromise may be needed on both sides depending how they were raised.

It is when a couple makes their own individual marriage identity that they are able to be drawn closer together. Parents should not be kicked out of their lives completely. The couple can take many ideas of how they were raised and incorporate it into their own family, as long as the spouse is on the same page.  This marriage identity can take years and years to make it their own, but if they make it their own they will be happier together.

Week 11

Marriage is a wonderful thing. Two people come together from different backgrounds, different ways of being raised, different ideas of how kids should be raised, and many other differences. Once they come together they mesh these lives, sometimes even fight about different ideas of how things need to be done. An example of this would be if one spouse wants to buy something but the other does not. This is a problem in many marriages. What needs to be done? When this happens discussions need to take place and the couple needs to be on the same page. In a lot of circumstances compromise is needed on both sides.

 In all reality though, they need to utilize both lives into what they feel is the right way to go through marriage and even into raising kids. A marriage should be equally divided in power both should be making major decisions, the two should work together. Parents should be able to work together in raising kids as well.  If one parent has an idea of how to raise a kid try to incorporate that especially if it is important to your spouse. Same goes if you have an idea that you feel strongly about. Couples should council together to determine what is good and bad about the idea. Then you can manipulate the idea into what works well for both of you.

This is the beauty of marriage it’s between you and your spouse. It is not between you your spouse and your parents. When you get married you essentially grow up and are on your own. Big decisions should be made together especially when raising kids.  Parents should work equally hard on knowing what to let the children do and not do. They should be together not one parent undermining another when the kids ask to do something. They should be on the same page in all that they do. In all reality marriage should be an equal partnership. Becoming united within a marriage blesses all those involved. It can cause less arguing between spouses, ideas can be easily formed to fit both individuals’ personal needs.  When equality happens within a marriage a lot of things become easier.

week 10

      Physical intimacy in a marriage is one of the most important gifts of God. He gave it to us for many different reasons. Some of these reasons are of course to have children and it is an expression of our love towards our spouse. He gave us this gift and strict guidelines to abstain from this until married, and once married to be able to remain faithful to our spouse. We live in a world today in which so many people abuse the power to create children for mere pleasure or fun. God frowns upon this. He instituted this divine gift so that we could bring his spirit children into this world. Not only did he give it to us for that reason but also to show our love to each other it is the ultimate way to be able to share our love with someone.

      We live in a world who doesn't hold these same values, especially in the recent decision to allow gays to become legally married. This is going against Gods laws in so many ways. Especially in physically intimacy between husband and wife. We as members of the church can stand together and stand up for what is right not in what the world says is right. I loved the quote by president Kimball in which he said " if it is not natural, you just don't do it" Referring to physical intimacy in a marriage.   I think that we can view that quote in many ways especially in the court case decision marriage between a man and women is natural it works its how god intended it no other way around.

      God created males and females to balance each other. Men can offer certain things in relationships and women can offer certain things in relationships(not in an intimate way but in general). These different things can draw husbands and wives together in love and support women can be more sensitive which sometimes men need. That is just an example. However, when a man and women come together in a relationship physical intimacy can bring them closer together as well as closer to god. When used appropriately it is one of the greatest gifts that we have from our father in heaven. When not used appropriately it is something that can take us even further away from god.

week 9

Charity within a marriage is huge. In Goddard’s book "Drawing Heaven into your Marriage." He talks about how the lack of charity is of the natural man. He also shares something interesting that if you surprise a man and see his reaction that is usually the type of man that he is. I found that really interesting. I tried to think of myself and how I would react; my first initial response to this would be disappointment.  I'm not exactly sure why it would be disappointment. I think that it would be because I feel like I have high expectations of people and when they surprise me by letting me down. My first thought is disappointment. However for many people it can be anger or retaliation through words or anything else. The way that we can overcome that is by looking for charity. Charity should be the easiest to churn up in our lives especially for our spouses. However, at times charity can be one of the hardest things to show towards a spouse. Why is this? I have thought about this. My first thought is that we have high expectations for each other. When one of us screws up or does something the other doesn't like. It’s like letting each other down, and that can be when a lack of charity happens in a lot of marriages. One way to overcome this is to always look for the positive look for the good in each other all the time. Help each other out. Support each other in the dreams that you each have. Do your best to find charity in your relationship and life in general. 

Week 8

Every marriage has its own set of problems no marriage is perfect. When a person decides to marry someone they are ultimately deciding what set of problems they want to deal with for a while. I think that is very interesting. As i was doing the reading for this week I couldn't help but think about communication. Communication about the problems that a relationship is ensuing is huge. I think that in order to be able to overcome these problems we must learn to communicate effectively. Communication can set the tone for a lot of things. If we learn to communicate using non harsh startups typically we are able to overcome things a lot easier. If we communicate rude or demeaning thoughts towards our spouse you can bet you will be in for an argument. I think that if we are able to learn how to communicate things that bother us, to our spouses, then we will be able to have less heated arguments. Blame won’t be placed on someone. Most of the time the problem will be talked out and a negotiation will be made. I learned that it’s all about how we communicate our problems to one another. Also, the way we communicate how to fix the problems can lead to happiness as well. Communication is Key to a successful relationship.

Week 7

This week in class my eyes were opened to many things concerning pride. The things in which we were assigned to read really helped me to understand exactly what pride was and how to identify it. Pride is "enmity towards god and enmity towards our fellow man. Enmity means hatred, toward, hostility to, or state of opposition." This goes to show that the little things that one can do in marriage are signs of pride. I was actually kind of shocked at the little things that were listed that we listed as prideful things. Here are a few of them

Not yielding to one another. This could be a cause of stubbornness which is also pride. We must be willing to work together and talk things out by yielding to one another this is a sign of humility the opposite of pride.

Putting each other down. Looking at each other’s faults can be a sense of pride because you look past your own faults and focus on others by tearing them down. We need to build each other up in our relationships.

Gender Roles can also be prideful. An example, that was shared in Goddard’s book, when he would get irritated that his wife wouldn't clean the kitchen counter. He thought it was not his job, and couldn't figure out why his wife couldn't keep it clean. However he then realized it was not her problem it was his own and he could take a few minutes to clear it if it really bothered him. This is one example of pride and repenting.

The last example is what needs to happen we need to be able to recognize faults within our self that could be causing a problem because of pride. Once we have been able to identify it we need to change and repent.

Marriage can be very hard at times but also very rewarding. It takes the hard work of two individuals to make it work and a lot of humility this is something that I have learned since I have been married.